Welcome to my World. Welcome to my online Home. I have always been one to want to share and be inclusive. My life has been an open book, which is why I chose to write them. Not only do I write about important social issues, but I am a living example of perseverance and undying faith, that will get anyone through and over any obstacle. I am not being cliche, I am a messenger. My message is of love, peace, healing & deliverance. I hope that you enjoy being here; ask a question, read my column, buy some books or merchandise and send me a greeting! Thank you for coming, and please visit again!

Have a question for Ericka? Would you like to have some advice on life, love, or relationship issues??.. Visit Ericka on her " ASK ERICKA: BLOG " or you can CLICK HERE. You can also drop her a line in the contact section of the website. All questions will be posted on the blog " Ask Ericka ". All questions are welcomed!!!

In Math we learned that fractions are parts of a whole. Well Love is made up of many things. Love is respect, trust, honesty, loyalty, family, sexuality, passion, commonality, necessity, and pain. How do we know if we are getting the right percent of the pieces of the Love Pie? Some people say that you cannot have love without trust. Others say that if someone cheats on you they couldn't possibly love you. Some believe that if your friends and family do not like the person you are with that it will never work. Some think that if the sex is not good or if two people are not compatible in bed, then the relationship is doomed to fail. How do we know if the love that we are putting all of our energy into is giving us all that we need to make the love complete? This is very hard to do especially since men and women see things differently and need and want different things. I will however make a go of breaking it down.

50% I will give half of the success of a relationship to Love, Sex, Passion, and Necessity. Humans need to be physically fulfilled. I do not believe that a relationship that is not affectionate, sexual, or passionate can work. We all need someone who we are attracted to. If you are not attracted to your mate, you will come across someone else that you are attracted to and you will always be tempted. You and your partner have to have that feeling of completeness when you are together. You should enjoy your partner's body, hugs, kisses, aura, and physique. That is before the actual sex act. You must feel a spark when you kiss. You must feel comfort when you hug. When they are just present, you should feel excited that they are there, enticed by their look, and passionate about who they are to you. The necessity is having to have that person as your partner. The sex must feel almost like new every time. Of course all relationships go through dry spells or times when there are more important things going on in your lives or in your relationships then sex, but when it's all good, it is supposed to be all good. You should not be turned off every time you see your partner or not interested when they come around, especially when you two are getting along. If the sight of your partner doesn't make you want to be in their vicinity, in their arms, or in their bed….your relationship is in trouble. If you don't feel like you need that person, beware. Get counseling or find someone that "does it for you."

30% I will give thirty percent to Respect, Trust, Loyalty, and Honesty. Once you and your partner just have to have each other there are very important things that will be the glue to keep you two together. It is important to respect your partner's wishes, feelings, wants, needs, and requests. The only reason this doesn't rank in the top is because in both people respecting each other that allows for each to compromise so that you understand that you will not always have your way. It is a give and take and you cannot always take and you should give. In doing that, different wants and needs are fulfilled at different times. It is impossible for each person to always get their way. Trust, loyalty, and honesty do not always have to do with cheating and sex. You should be able to trust your partner to have your back or trust them with your secrets or be honest with them about things that are not always easy to be honest about. When you trust your partner you know that you are in good hands. I will not go into detail about cheating because that is a topic within itself. People make mistakes; and cheating is not the only way to do someone wrong. That is not the only way to judge whether someone truly loves you or not.

10% Outsiders. I will give that to other people. You can listen to people, who love you and have your best interests at heart, but no one knows your relationship in and out and they cannot tell you about the intimate details that they do not see. Other people can only tell you what they see from the outside. So take their advice and consider it and then mix it with what you know, on the inside, and then decide if they are right about the person not being good for you. Only you can make that choice.

5% Commonality. Men and women are different so you and your partner will not always have everything or many things in common when it comes to being together. Men do things with their friends that women don't enjoy doing and vice versa. So if you and your partner love being together and have your own things that you do together and your own things that you do apart, then that is normal. You are still individuals.

5% Pain. Pain is expected. We cannot make someone happy all of the time and sometimes we will be hurt or disappointed. However, it should not be more than 10% of your relationship and 5% should just be expected or at least accepted because NOTHING is perfect!

Written By: Ericka Williams | 07.04.2011

Have you ever walked down the street and seen a couple and noticed that the female looked well-mannered, well-behaved, or "good " and the male that she is cuddling, holding hands, or maybe arguing with is someone that appears to be defiant, unruly, troublesome, or "bad"? And then you asked yourself, "What is she doing with that guy?" You and someone you may have witnessed the odd couple with may have even shaken your heads and asked the age old question, "Why do good girls like bad boys?" Well, once again I am here to explore another controversial topic. I tried to think of a few reasons to answer the question and Viola! Ladies and gentlemen, I have some answers for you… I will start with the answers that I believe the majority will find to be true. My reasoning just may not be neat, clean, or general. I think outside of the box, and out of the norm. I like to go against the grain because we all must have our own minds.

 Reason #1. Good girls are kind-hearted. If someone is considered good, they are also considered nice, peaceful, harmonious, friendly, etc. etc. If a girl is good then usually she is helpful and people that are helpful usually try to help others. A good girl wants world peace, no racism, no war….nothing bad to happen to people. Therefore, a good girl may want to help her "bad" boy to become better. Women are natural nurturers so when a girl likes a boy, it doesn't matter to her how others see him. She may know that he is troubled and feel that her goodness can rub off on him. A good girl wants to be fair and she wants her "rebel" to be given a chance. She wants to show him how to be good and help him change for the better. She cares that much for him and his well-being to try to "heal" him with her goodness.

Reason #2. Good girls are naive. They see the good in people. She may not see the bad in her man or she may overlook it because she is naive enough to think that he is not "as bad" as people say or think he is. She may think that he is only bad because others perceive him that way so he must "act" that way. She may not really believe that her "thug" is really capable of the things that he may actually do when she is not around him. She is naive enough to think that she can actually make enough of a difference in his life to make him want to be a better person. Her innocence is attractive to him because all that may be around him is negativity, so her goodness and naivete could actually be the magnet that keeps him clinging to her and making him cherish the one good thing in his life. Being naïve is not always bad. It allows one to believe what they want to believe and have the power to make what they believe a reality.

 Reason #4. Good girls are not ALL good! Just because a girl might be good in school or smart, it doesn't mean that she doesn't have a rebellious side to her as well. We all have bad in us and that good girl may not be as good as everyone thinks she is either. She may be a Good Bad Girl or a Bad Girl on the Low. Just like no one is all good, neither are most people all bad. So watch who you judge and who you praise because until you really know someone, judging them from their appearance, reputation, or rumors is just plain wrong anyway. As long as he is treating her right, who are we to choose who a good girl chooses for herself? So don't hate on the Good Girl who can keep that Bad Boy coming back for more!

Written By: Ericka Williams | 07.04.2011

I was gon' get right back... Jay-Z had a song that told his girl he was just f-in the other girls and he was gonna be back to her... and it also said that she shouldn't have gotten him back by getting revenge or getting even... Well. Here's the problem. Men seem to think that when they have a "good thing", that it will not go anywhere while they GET ready for it. Have you heard the saying, "Time waits for no man?" Well, a good woman shouldn't wait for an indecisive, unsure, or just plain unappreciative one.          

Too many times men believe that the grass is greener on the other side or they wait for a Beyonce to come, when there is ONLY one of her! So while they have a good woman, a loving woman, the woman who is doing right by him; and mind you, passing up all the better prospects that are coming her way because she has committed to the love she has for her man and accepted him with his flaws and faults, we are not afforded that same luxury.         

Men seem not to be able to multi-task or stick to the script. Steve Harvey did tell us in his first book that men cannot grasp mentally the idea of building WITH a woman. They must go out there and accomplish or acquire their manhood, and then they can be in a committed relationship. And that is not the worst thing in the world, because a man must feel like a man to be able to deal with the pressures of being the "head". Of course, a man knows that he must provide and he will be uncomfortable if he is pressured into that role, without the resources to sustain it.          

HOWEVER, most men won't do this ALONE, they will still be with a woman, having her think they are in a committed relationship while he is GETTING HIMSELF TOGETHER or he will make that choice AFTER THE FACT, when he has already started the family or been in a relationship with a woman who has no idea that he is not ready for what he is already playing a role in.         

Then he decides that he must go it alone, to come back? WTF? As women, we can raise the kids, go to school, work two or three jobs and STILL come home and cook, clean and take care of our man's needs. A REAL woman can anyway. And I mean take care of his needs AFTER DINNER too!         

So what is the male's malfunction? Why aren't they able to build an empire WITH their woman? Why must they flee to achieve? I would have to attribute to that Great small word…Ego! When men realize that he needs a woman just as much to stay on track, focus, and have structure he will probably get ahead much quicker. A woman, who has given her life and time to you and has sacrificed to struggle WITH you, deserves the same opportunity. Now, this does not apply to the woman who dehumanizes her man because she has accomplished more, makes more money, or is the only one working in the home. As women we are supposed to continue to treat our men as Kings, even when he doesn't have a throne or crown yet. You must be his rib, his backbone, and the one to continue to lift him up…and MEN, stop being cowards and sissies! You cannot think that you can turn in your woman, for a better one, when you make it. Because you were already given the prize and you returned it. Finding a better prize, when you have proven you can't appreciate the great prize of a woman who has taken your Sugar-Honey-Iced-Tea, will not be so easy! Stop making excuses because when you say you need time, you are really saying you are not convinced that this is who you want. If she is accepting you for your circumstance, your story doesn't really make any sense! Grow with your Partner!        

Written By: Ericka Williams | 03.16.2011

There is a saying that "We always hurt the ones we love" and I totally agree. One sad thing about love is that is makes you a prisoner. I have been so successful in my professional life and such a hopeless romantic that I have often been let down by love. I love hard, as most women do, and I have always had rose colored glasses on. I want love to be perfect but like everything else in life, it just isn't. What it definitely is, though, is worth fighting for. The fairy tales that we have heard from childhood have skewed our outlook, and given us a false sense of what love is really about.          

Love is respect, honor, and peace. But, love is also struggle, disappointment, and pain. Who is to say that someone who loves you has the capacity to love you in without any flaws? People are flawed, so the love they give can lack sometimes. When love is unhealthy, let it go, but don't give up on love. Love doesn't hurt people, people hurt people. Love is a give and take, and it is not always rewarding, it is something that we need. We all need it. It is proven that babies who do not receive nurturing and love as infants, often get sick and some may die. The same applies to the elderly.          

In between we have people who are searching for, prospering in, and falling in and out of love. Another saying says that "True love never dies" but everything must die. What makes love an exception? Love is not always unconditional, reciprocated, or equal. Sometimes it is, but when it isn't that does not cancel out the feelings of oneness that two people share when they are in love. So what do we do? Do we leave it alone for fear of not getting the type of love that we need or do we "try and try again"? I must say, as the hopeless romantic that I am, you must try until you get it right because we all know that, "Nothing good is easily attained". Love is not only a splendid thing, sometimes it is disastrous; but when it's good, it's usually great, and worth the risk. What you find when you find love is a feeling that cannot easily be replaced, by likeness. You know when you have fallen for someone and the harder you fall, the harder it is to get back up and walk away when you are there. So, do we set limits and boundaries on our heart? No, but we must love ourselves enough to set boundaries on what we will do, take, and lose for love; because we can love someone from afar. You can leave someone you love and take the time to get over it.          

Two things I know is that if one love leaves, you can always find it again, AND that you can fall in love with anyone. If your heart is longing for love, you will fill your need. We all approach it differently but like, yet two more sayings, "you've got to be in it to win it!" and "a closed mouth doesn't get fed". If your heart isn't open love can't move into it. I leave you with this; do not be scared to love or to get hurt. By no means do I mean, take any kind of treatment in the name of love. Love yourself to be able to walk away from malice and hate, mistreatment and abuse, and pretending to be loved. Don't let someone continue to hurt you in the name of love. Just love. If the one you love doesn't love you back, move on and love the one you're with. Love until it's the best love you've ever had, always making sure you don't let love kill you.          

Written By: Ericka Williams | 02.02.2011

In our fast-paced age of technology, some things have changed while overall others have stayed the same. The dating game has morphed into a multi-dimensional as well as multi-media event. Gone are the days when relationships last it seems for any length of time, or end up in marriage. Marriages seem to occur less frequently than divorces, and there are too many “options” which challenge longevity or fidelity in a relationship. Not to mention the issue of the many types of sexuality nowadays.
All that being said, I still feel that girls are born ready for marriage while boys and men seem to be manipulated or captured into it. Men seem to feel that the dungeon bars lock and the room start to turn into a shrinking one, the closer they get to walking down the aisle. There are still men, I hope, who have been brought up in two parent households who are socialized into accepting and even being interested in marriage, however, the number seems to pale in comparison with those who see marriage as nothing but a trap.
         

Girls are socialized into wanting to get married from a very young age. They fantasize about their wedding dress and picture their day early on. Most of us when we meet a man that we are interested in, skip thinking about whether he is a mass murderer, and go right to thinking of how his last name will sound next to our first. That may be a slight exaggeration but the bottom line is that most girls want to be with one guy and stick with him, through thick and thin. So, how is it that we bring two beings from Venus and Mars together into matrimonial bliss?
         

Well, the first thing girls must do is realize that you should never ever ever force a man into an engagement or marriage because You are ready. Getting what you want will most likely turn into a nightmare if you do. Then on the other hand, we have those sisters who proudly say they don’t need a man, because they have been burned far too many times. In between those two is the woman who knows that they way to get her man and to have him want to stay is to let him ask when he is ready to. The measure of love should really not be in whether two people have taken vows and signed a contract. This debate takes on a different perspective when the issue of religion is involved and I will leave that part of this discussion for another time. But in general, I am here to tell women that if you want a man who wants to stay with you “forever” and make you his wife, wait. If we believe that men should do it because it would make us happy, it is the same to say that you should let him come to that desire on his own. If you love a man right, mentally, emotionally, and for sure sexually and you are a good woman; you should be good. It remains as well that a man wants a loose woman to have a good time, but a good woman for a lifetime. You do not have to jump through hoops to get someone to make you an honest woman. Be an honest woman, which will help your man to become an honest husband. These are just words that I live by, that I am sharing with you.

Written By: Ericka Williams | 11.09.2010

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